i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
