And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
