She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
