theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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