He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
