I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
