Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
