Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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