i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
