That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
