The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
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