my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
