Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
