Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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