Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
