That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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