I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
