No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Randomize
