Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
