I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
