You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
