i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
