you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
