If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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