OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
