Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
