no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I had to cum in my sink.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
