So drunk its hurt
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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