i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
