I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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