You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
