his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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