I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
