We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
