it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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