Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
