Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
