Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
