barbara walters just said penis...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
