I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Girls should come with a carfax report
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
