What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
