How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
