the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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