what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
