She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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