i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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