drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You can't motorboat a personality
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
