he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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