my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
