I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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