you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
